THE JETS FINALLY FOUND A PASS RUSHER! DAVID BAILEY TURNED DESHAUN WATSON INTO A HUMAN SPEED BAG!

Ladies and gentlemen, STOP THE PRESSES! SOUND THE ALARMS! SOMEBODY CHECK THE TEMPERATURE IN HELL BECAUSE THE NEW YORK JETS ACTUALLY WON A FOOTBALL GAME!

And not only did the Jets win, but they finally discovered something that has been missing from this franchise for years: A PASS RUSH THAT DOESN’T NEED A MISSING PERSONS REPORT.

The Jets beat the Cleveland Browns 17-12 on Sunday at a rain-soaked MetLife Stadium, snapping a three-game losing streak. And the man responsible for making life miserable for Cleveland quarterback Deshaun Watson was 23-year-old rookie David Bailey.

THIS KID WAS EVERYWHERE!

Three sacks. Eight quarterback pressures. Seven tackles.

Deshaun Watson probably woke up Monday morning checking his body for fingerprints because DAVID BAILEY WAS ALL OVER HIM!

And I don't mean the kind of pressure you get from your wife asking why you came home late. I'm talking about the kind of pressure that makes a quarterback reconsider his career choices, his mortgage, and whether he should've become an accountant instead!

Bailey was hunting Watson like the last parking spot at MetLife Stadium!

The second overall pick became the first Jets rookie since Hugh Douglas in 1995 to record three sacks in one game. He's also now tied for the most sacks by any player in his first five career games over the past decade, with five.

FIVE SACKS IN FIVE GAMES!

Meanwhile, Jets fans have spent YEARS watching opposing quarterbacks have enough time in the pocket to order DoorDash, eat dinner, and start a Netflix series before somebody finally gets close to them.

Sunday? NOT TODAY!

The Jets defense took Watson down EIGHT TIMES. Eight! That's not a pass rush. That's a group project, and everybody finally decided to do their homework!

Here's what makes this story even funnier.

Bailey isn't some loudmouth rookie looking for attention. He doesn't have a sack dance. He doesn't chase the spotlight. And according to him, he doesn't even use social media.

NO INSTAGRAM? NO X? NO TIKTOK?

Brother, do you even know you're playing for the New York Jets?!

Because if there's one fan base that can turn a three-yard loss into a 47-post argument, it's Jets Nation!

Bailey said he wasn't really on social media, so he couldn't speak on the criticism surrounding his slow start.

SMART MAN!

Because if he had been reading the comments, he might've spent the first four games arguing with somebody named @GangGreenDieHard87 who has a profile picture of a cartoon football and hasn't played organized football since seventh grade!

Jets fans were getting impatient after Bailey's first two sacks came on plays that produced a combined loss of just two yards.

But apparently, while everybody else was busy talking, Bailey was busy learning how to turn quarterbacks into throw pillows.

He met with the coaching staff during the week, worked on what he needed to improve, and took that advice onto the field.

The result?

THREE SACKS, EIGHT PRESSURES, AND ONE VERY UNCOMFORTABLE AFTERNOON FOR DESHAUN WATSON!

Jets coach Aaron Glenn said Bailey's time was coming.

Well, Coach, it arrived Sunday, and it didn't knock on the door. IT RIPPED THE DOOR OFF THE HINGES!

Let's give credit where it's due. Aaron Glenn came into this game desperately needing a win, and his defense needed a pulse after recording zero sacks in the previous two games.

After the embarrassment against Chicago, when the Jets defense was on the field for 89 plays, something had to change.

And change it did.

The Jets blitzed on 52% of Watson's dropbacks. They attacked him from different angles and made sure the Cleveland quarterback never got comfortable.

Nickelback Jarvis Brownlee Jr. even blitzed seven times from the slot, recording a sack and three pressures.

Everybody was getting involved!

At this point, the Jets defensive meeting probably looked like a family reunion where everybody had a personal problem with Deshaun Watson.

The defense held Cleveland to just 198 total yards. The Jets also became the first team since the 1999 Tampa Bay Buccaneers to hold three of their first five opponents under 200 yards. It was a franchise first.

LET THAT SINK IN!

For once, the Jets weren't making an opposing offense look like the Greatest Show on Turf. They were making the Browns look like an offense that accidentally showed up to the stadium without its playbook!

Linebacker Jamien Sherwood called Bailey phenomenal. Garrett Wilson said he found himself watching Bailey's sacks and celebrating.

You know a defensive player is cooking when your own offense starts watching him instead of worrying about what it's supposed to do next!

Now, before Jets fans start ordering Super Bowl tickets, let's remember who we're dealing with here.

THE JETS ARE THE JETS!

Even when they dominate, they have to sprinkle in enough nonsense to keep the fan base on blood pressure medication.

After controlling the game defensively, New York fell behind 12-10 in the fourth quarter when Watson connected with rookie Denzel Boston for a 29-yard touchdown.

Then Geno Smith fumbled on the next possession.

OH, HERE WE GO AGAIN!

Jets fans were probably staring at the television thinking, "I've seen this movie before, and I HATE THE ENDING!"

Three straight losses had already done enough emotional damage. A fourth would've had the fan base searching for flights to anywhere football isn't played.

But then Cleveland decided to give the Jets a gift so ridiculous that even Santa Claus would've checked the receipt.

A high snap sailed through punter Corey Bojorquez's hands, and New York recovered the ball at the Browns' 23-yard line.

YOU CANNOT MAKE THIS STUFF UP!

The Jets didn't just catch a break. They caught a full-blown Christmas present in October!

Cleveland's special teams turned a routine punt into a clearance sale, and the Jets said, "WE'LL TAKE IT!"

Running back Braelon Allen made the Browns pay, rumbling 22 yards for the go-ahead touchdown with 3:01 remaining.

Allen finished with 116 rushing yards, and that touchdown gave the Jets a 17-12 lead.

Suddenly, the offense remembered it was allowed to score points!

And just when Cleveland had one final chance to steal the game, Bailey and Will McDonald IV chased Watson down on the final play, with McDonald recording a strip-sack.

GAME OVER!

The Jets survived. The defense delivered. And somewhere in New York, thousands of fans cautiously allowed themselves to experience a positive emotion.

Linebacker Demario Davis called it a potentially historic win for the organization, recognizing what a victory like this can mean after a difficult stretch.

And he's right about one thing: winning matters.

The Jets needed a performance that could restore some confidence, and Bailey delivered exactly that. The defense played aggressively, the pass rush finally showed up, and Allen helped close out the game.

But let's not start engraving names on the Lombardi Trophy just yet!

It's ONE WIN, JETS FANS!

We have seen this franchise give us a little hope before, only to turn around and hit us with a football-related emotional support bill.

Enjoy the victory. Celebrate David Bailey. Give Aaron Glenn credit for getting his defense to respond. And appreciate the fact that, for one Sunday, the Jets looked like a team that knew what it was doing.

Because David Bailey didn't just have a breakout game. He gave this defense an identity.

And if he keeps playing like this, opposing quarterbacks might start doing what Bailey does in his free time: STAYING OFF SOCIAL MEDIA!

Because after what happened to Deshaun Watson, the next quarterback facing the Jets might want to deactivate his accounts, turn off his phone, and hire a security team.

David Bailey has five sacks in five games, doesn't need social media, doesn't need a flashy sack dance, and doesn't seem interested in becoming a celebrity.

He just wants to get to the quarterback.

Meanwhile, Jets fans have been waiting so long for a pass rusher like this that some of them are probably checking to see if Bailey is eligible for the Hall of Fame already!

SLOW DOWN, GANG GREEN!

But enjoy this one. The Jets won, the defense finally brought the thunder, and Deshaun Watson spent Sunday getting introduced to David Bailey approximately eight times.

THE JETS ARE 1-0 IN THE DAVID BAILEY ERA OF MAKING QUARTERBACKS REGRET THEIR LIFE CHOICES!

And if this kid keeps it up, the only thing he'll need to post on social media is a missing-person flyer for opposing quarterbacks.

THIS IS ERROL MARKS, AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME ON NY'S SPORTS LOUD MOUTH LIVE!

LOUD MOUTH OUT!