LeBron's Free Agency Is the NBA's Longest Reality Show: Somebody Hide His Cell Phone

LeBron James has officially turned NBA free agency into the longest season of The Bachelor ever created. Yet instead of handing out roses, he's handing out hope.

One day it's Cleveland. The next day it's Miami. Then Golden State. Then Philadelphia. Then Minnesota. At this point I'm waiting for the New York Knicks, the Long Island Ducks, and my Sunday softball team to announce they're "still in the mix."

Kendrick Perkins finally said what a lot of basketball fans have been thinking. On ESPN, Big Perk accused LeBron of "grandstanding," basically saying King James already knows where he's going—he's just enjoying every second of the attention. And honestly, Perk might not be wrong.

Think about it: LeBron's phone right now probably looks like a teenager's during prom week.

Steph Curry: "Bro... come win one more."

Bam Adebayo: "South Beach misses you."

Joel Embiid: "Please...before my knees file for retirement."

Donovan Mitchell: "Come home."

Meanwhile, LeBron is probably looking at all the missed calls thinking, "I'll text them back tomorrow."

Even Perkins admitted he'd do the exact same thing if he were in LeBron's shoes. You know what? I respect the honesty. Most people would deny it. Perkins basically said, "Yeah... I'd milk this thing too."

And why wouldn't LeBron enjoy it? He's 41 years old, still one of the biggest names in sports, and every franchise in the NBA is treating him like he's the last PlayStation sitting on a Walmart shelf before Christmas.

In short, rumors continue to fly faster than Stephen A. Smith can raise his voice.

Cleveland wants him.

Philadelphia wants him.

Miami wants him.

Golden State wants him.

Minnesota wants him.

At this point, if LeBron walks into Starbucks, the barista is probably offering him a max contract with his caramel macchiato.

Despite playing second fiddle to Luka Dončić with the Lakers last season, LeBron still put up outstanding numbers, averaging 20.9 points, 6.1 rebounds, 7.2 assists and 1.2 steals while shooting over 51% from the field. Most players would throw a parade for those numbers, but LeBron simply calls it Tuesday.

The funny part is that everyone keeps saying, "His decision is coming soon." Really? I've heard "coming soon" so many times I feel like I'm waiting for Grand Theft Auto VI.

Every sports show spends twenty minutes discussing "sources." Every insider has "breaking news." Every fan refreshes X every five minutes. Meanwhile, LeBron is probably sitting on a beach somewhere laughing, watching the entire basketball world lose its collective mind.

Whenever he finally announces his decision, half the league will celebrate, half the league will cry, ESPN will probably run a 12-hour special, and Kendrick Perkins will probably yell..."SEE! I TOLD Y'ALL HE ALREADY KNEW!"

Until then, the greatest free-agent show on Earth rolls on. And LeBron? He's the writer, director, producer, lead actor, and apparently the only guy who already knows how this script ends.