DESHAUN WATSON IS BACK… AND APPARENTLY SO IS HIS NEED FOR SPEED! 86 MPH?! BROTHER, YOU JUST GOT BACK!

Here we go again.

I swear, every time I see Deshaun Watson's name pop up on my phone, I don't even open the story anymore. I just take a deep breath and say:

“What did he do now?”

Because apparently playing quarterback for the Cleveland Browns wasn't enough excitement for Watson.

Nope.

The man decided he wanted to turn I-480 into the Daytona 500.

According to court records, Watson was cited for speeding on Aug. 26 after allegedly driving 86 miles per hour in a 60-mph zone on a Cleveland interstate.

Eighty-six!

Brother!

YOU ARE A QUARTERBACK, NOT A NASCAR DRIVER!

And before anybody starts yelling, “Errol, it's only a speeding ticket!” I understand. It's a speeding ticket. I'm not saying the man robbed a bank.

I'm saying 86 in a 60 is MOVING!

That's not, “Oops, I was five miles over.” That's not, “Officer, my foot slipped.”

That's, “Where the hell are you going, Deshaun?!”

Watson pleaded not guilty Wednesday morning, so now, instead of worrying about defensive coordinators, blitz packages and whether he can stay healthy, Watson has himself a court date. His bench trial is scheduled for Sept. 23.

You know what makes this even funnier?

It's four days before the Browns' home opener against the Carolina Panthers.

So let me get this straight. The Browns are trying to get their season going. Watson is trying to get his football career going. And now everybody has to put “go to court” on the calendar.

Cleveland Browns fans must be looking at this like:

“CAN WE PLEASE HAVE ONE NORMAL WEEK?! JUST ONE!”

Because this franchise has been through enough.

The Browns finally named Watson their Week 1 starter after a training camp competition with Shedeur Sanders. Watson is scheduled to make his first regular-season start since October 2024, when he suffered a torn Achilles.

So this is supposed to be the big comeback. The return. The redemption tour. The moment where Watson gets back on the football field and tries to remind everybody why Cleveland gave him a massive contract in the first place.

And then we get:

“DESHAUN WATSON CITED FOR SPEEDING.”

COME ON, MAN!

You're supposed to be making a comeback at FirstEnergy Stadium, or whatever the hell they're calling that place this week, not making a comeback in traffic court!

And here's the part that makes this whole thing even more ridiculous: Watson's football career has already been one giant roller coaster.

The Browns traded for him. They gave him a gigantic contract. He missed time because of suspensions and off-field issues. He struggled when he played. Then he suffered the Achilles injury.

Now he's finally healthy enough to return. Cleveland names him the starter. Everybody is watching. Everybody is waiting to see what Deshaun Watson looks like in a real NFL game again.

And apparently Watson said:

“Before I get back on the field, let me get back on the interstate doing 86.”

BRO!

SLOW DOWN!

You're not late for the Browns' first offensive possession!

And let's be honest: 86 in a 60 is exactly the kind of headline Watson did not need right now.

The guy needs boring.

I mean BORING.

Wake up. Go to practice. Throw touchdowns. Go home. Watch film. Eat dinner. Go to bed.

That's it!

We don't need any bonus content.

No speeding tickets. No courtrooms. No police reports. No drama. No “Breaking News: Deshaun Watson has been spotted doing something that makes Cleveland Browns fans reach for the aspirin.”

JUST PLAY FOOTBALL!

Because Watson has an enormous opportunity in front of him. If he plays well, suddenly Cleveland has a legitimate quarterback story. If he struggles, the questions are going to come flying.

And if something happens off the field?

Forget about it.

The entire sports media world is going to turn into CSI: Cleveland. Every microphone will be out. Every camera will be rolling. Every Browns fan will be asking the same question:

“WHY CAN'T THIS MAN JUST GO HOME?!”

And listen, I'm not here to convict Watson over a speeding ticket. He pleaded not guilty, so we'll let the court handle the legal side of it.

But from a football standpoint?

THIS IS THE LAST THING HE NEEDED.

You're coming back from an Achilles injury. You're trying to prove you can still play. You're trying to win back the confidence of an entire fan base. You're trying to justify the Browns' decision to put you back under center.

And meanwhile, Cleveland gets a notification saying:

“Watson was allegedly doing 86 in a 60.”

The Browns organization probably saw that and collectively threw their phones across the room.

Somebody in Cleveland's front office probably screamed:

“DESHAUN! WE SAID RUN THE OFFENSE, NOT RUN THE HIGHWAY!”

And that's the Errol Marks rule for Deshaun Watson moving forward:

KEEP THE FOOT OFF THE GAS AND PUT IT ON THE PEDAL!

The accelerator should only be pressed on Sundays. Let the Cleveland Browns worry about speed on the football field.

Because after everything Watson has gone through, the best thing he can do right now is make headlines for one reason:

PLAYING GREAT FOOTBALL.

Not traffic court. Not speeding tickets. Not another off-field distraction.

Just football.

Because Cleveland doesn't need Deshaun Watson to be the fastest guy on I-480. They need him to be the guy who can finally get the Browns moving in the right direction.

And if you're a Browns fan, you better hope Watson learned one thing from this:

86 in a 60 is NOT how you get to the end zone.

SLOW DOWN, DESHAUN!

You've already given Cleveland enough heart attacks.

We don't need you giving the Ohio State Highway Patrol one too!